A friend told me recently that his fast-approaching 50th
birthday would probably be his worst and that he was just going to put his head
down, get through the day and move on with his life.
I can certainly sympathise – few of us like to be reminded
of the passing years as we get older, especially in our youth-obsessed society
where the aim seems to be at the very least to make time stand still or even go
backwards. Today, we are constantly told that “50 is the new 40”, or in the
case of celebrity Kelly Preston, the wife of John Travolta, “the new 25”: “I
feel incredible,” the mother of three, including a two-year-old, gushed to People magazine, “You are as old as you feel and I feel like
I’m 25!”
Mixed messages abound. Either we’re being reassured there
is nothing to fear about turning 50 – so long as we follow the myriad of
beauty, fashion, diet and exercise tips on offer – or we’re being bombarded
with advice on how to cope in our 50s and 60s, decades that have been likened
to the Bermuda Triangle: if you manage to pass through relatively unscathed,
you’ll be fine.
To quote Huffington Post
blogger Sharon Greenthal: “Don’t dwell on the things that didn’t happen, the
opportunities missed, the loved ones gone, the friends at a distance. Forget
the money that you’ve lost or the journey not taken.” Journalist Linda Lowen
sounds an even gloomier warning: “After turning 50, nearly all of us are closer
to death than birth”. Thanks Sharon and Linda, now I feel really depressed!
On the other hand, by the time we reach 50, we’re meant to
be wise and experienced, with plenty of knowledge to impart to others. Indeed,
ancient wisdom teaches that 40 is when we attain understanding, 50 when we can
offer advice, and 60 when we finally reach seniority (Ethics of
Our Fathers 5:24).
While I certainly haven’t waited to turn 50 to proffer
advice to anyone who will listen, I don’t necessarily feel wiser than the next
person. As Oscar Wilde pointed out, “Experience is simply the name we give our
mistakes”. And I, like everyone else, have made plenty of them. Sure, life has
taught me lessons I can share, but I’m often wrong and am not afraid to say so,
learn from it and move on.
Some people drift through life, carried along by
circumstance or, for those seemingly fortunate few, by sheer whim. Apparently
content and relaxed, they don’t look as if they are stirred by guilt and give
the impression, at least, of effortlessly remaining in the moment, confident
about, and at peace with, who they are and what they have or haven’t achieved
so far… Or perhaps they just haven’t given much thought to the big picture.
I’ve often wished that I could be more like them – surely
life would be so much easier!
“Blessed” with a driven personality, I need to have a
purpose almost all of the time in order to feel good about myself. I still
strive to learn something new every day and am constantly motivated to succeed
at whatever task I’ve set myself, analysing and questioning the value of my
work.
After all, we only have relatively few short years on this
earth, so am I doing the very best I can? What else should I be doing before
it’s too late?
According to the Australian Bureau of Statistics, the
average retirement age for women is around 50! But as a member of the “sandwich
generation”, who is still juggling the care of young children and elderly
parents with work and volunteering opportunities, I’m no where near ready to
retire, and at least at this stage, don’t think I ever will be … although I
certainly would love more time to travel.
I suppose much of the blame for this personality trait and
attitude to life can be sheeted home to my parents and grandfather, who have
had such a huge influence on me. They encouraged me to strive for excellence –
as distinct from perfection – and had high expectations of both themselves and
those they loved, always remaining true to their principles. They taught me to
be humble and ethical, encouraging me to think for myself and stand up for what
I believe in.
In short, they raised me to trust I could do anything I
set my mind to and urged me to find an interest in life that would sustain me.
As my mother once wrote to me: “Life has a lot to offer. One must, however,
know how to cherish it and to make the most of the opportunities offered.”
My grandfather put it this way: “The world becomes a
universe full of puzzles and its secrets a life full of exciting curiosities,
joy and deep feeling for its hidden mysteries.”
Surely then what truly matters is not how many years have
passed, which after all is beyond our control, but what we do with each day, or
as my friend put it, “getting on with life”.
So instead of feeling like I’m staring down the barrel of
turning 50 next birthday, I’m going to try and emulate the attitude Abraham
Lincoln displayed when he commented so eloquently: “And in the end, it’s not
the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.” Now there’s a
man who probably wouldn’t have turned a hair at the prospect of growing older
if he’d been given the chance!
We may not always succeed, but like dwarfs standing on the
shoulders of those giants who lived before us, we can strive to understand and
build on the past, continuing to contribute creatively, derive meaning and
purpose and hopefully help to make the world a better place for future
generations.
That, after all, is our legacy.
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